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[Sep. 5th, 2006|12:07 pm] |
Unfortunately, my inspirational mirror messages haven't fulfilled their purpose. I wake up and see them, then I forget about them. All I think about is the day ahead: classes, work, how much money's in my bank account, who I'm hanging out with later. It's a vicious cycle.
Back home in my apartment I was perusing people's away messages on AIM. I was bored after watching a special about Shirley Temple, so I went on-line to check the news and class updates. I noticed that everyone's messages are now composed of class times and party times and locations. No longer are we writing where we actually are, or even song lyrics for that matter. Just another thing indicating the passing of life, and how quickly we're growing up. We're in college, for crying out loud... I guess I never thought about how I'd feel at this moment in time; I only looked forward to a life I though I'd be living.
The whole concept of growing up seems so foreign. Moving on from phase to phase without realizing it. The move to college was huge, monumental. When I moved into my apartment, looking around at everything that is "mine", all I could think was, "Shit. I'm on my own." Does anyone ever think about just what that phrase says? Moving on in your life, moving to a new place, meeting new people, having new experiences... it's all part of growing up. The difficult part, to me, is accepting what's expected of me in the future. All of our lives are laid ahead of us; most of us can plainly see it. We'll all find love, get hurt a few times, then finally meet someone we feel we deserve. Then we'll marry, have children, struggle to live as we see fit. I mean, everyone says that our future is up to us, but is it really up to us when it comes down to it?
I have reason to believe isn't. Timing must not be everything; you can see it and you can feel it, but that's all. Maybe I'm just bitter and cynical at the thought of my life not really being my own. Why does it have to be out of the norm that I want to spend my life traveling? Incorporating a family into that life is apparently impossible, but I think it's only impossible to those who prefer one thing over the other.
When it comes down to it, I think that I'm just on a different level than most people I meet. I think things through too thoroughly. I think too much. I think too often. My brain never stops working. Any "normal" person wouldn't stop to think to themselves from time to time about what's happening in their life.
Who ever really steps back and observes? |
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| Inspirational Messages: Maybe Not. |
[Aug. 17th, 2006|11:39 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Idan Raichel - Mimamakim | ] |
Last night I wrote on my mirrored closet doors and on my mirrored medicine cabinet door, in blood-red lipstick, two things: the closet door reads, "Today is what I make of it!" and the medicine cabinet reads, "Today is a NEW DAY!"
I always thought 'inspirational messages' were really dorky and stupid, probably in part because a lot of them I found to be so deeply true but revealing, and I've never been one to really reveal a lot about myself. That's been changing lately.
I have a feeling that seeing those simple messages every morning when I wake up will give me a better attitude towards the day. I'll wake up, homefully refreshed, and read that today, I can make it whatever I want to. It's my choice.
I guess it's kind of a little project. Will it make me happier? More accomplished? Will my day be more inspirational? I don't know yet, but I'll hopefully find out. |
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| Baring the soul: Take 1. |
[Aug. 17th, 2006|12:33 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Ani DiFranco - Little Plastic Castle | ] |
One thing that always annoyed me was this response: I'm simple.
I've always wanted to reply, "Uh... you are?"
So I guess I want to start out by saying that I, Amanda, am not simple at all. In fact, I'm a very complicated person. For example, I'm a vegetarian. No, according to the crazies, I'm not a 'real vegetarian' because I still enjoy eating seafood. Back to being a 'vegetarian'... sometimes I'll eat 'vegetarian-style food' if it's been cooked in the same pot that contains some sort of, let's call it - animal residue. Like Matzoh Ball soup... who can resist? I'll eat a few matzoh balls with chicken stock (usually home-made) but I won't actually eat any chicken. Other times, I won't touch a dish if it's cooked in or near any sort of animal residue. This ultimately means that when I'm home, my mother has to cook my meal in one pan with one spatula, and the rest of the family's meal in another pan with another spatula. Why? Because using the same spatula would defeat the purpose of having my food cooked in a non-animal-residue-laden pan.
That all being said, my name is Amanda and I am not simple at all. I meet new people every day, and every day I learn new things about life and living and love. Every day I find myself jotting down notes or questions or answers. Instead of just throwing them out before putting my shorts/pants in the wash, I've decided to type them up and create an organized mass of them.
I'm extremely organized.
So, however you've stumbled upon this journal, I hope you get something out of it. I was inspired to actually start this after reading Tuesday's With Morrie by Mitch Albom. If you haven't read it before, I'd highly suggest getting your sorry self up and getting a copy of it pronto.
Amanda |
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